Motivation. Paging my Motivation. Calling my Motivation...Bueller...Bueller...

Seriously!  I have one stupid final left and then I'm done with undergrad and I just can't seem to pull it together.  I'm completely burned out.  Aside from school stuff, my entire hard drive was deleted by someone who didn't know what he was doing and a bunch of other personal junk, that, of course, all had to happen in the last two weeks.

One final; that is all that stands in the way between me and graduating and I just can't seem to pull it out.  Maybe this speaks to other deeper stuff - not wanting to move on, or sabotaging my own success.  Who knows.

Whatever, I just need to get my crap together and get it over with.  GGGGRRRR.

**Miss Clio

I Wanted to Like This Book; I Thought I Would Like This Book, but, Not So Much...

Seriously people.  I love history, almost every kind of history poses some sort of something that I can latch my teeth on to.  But, come on.  When you write a book, please consider that even academic readers enjoy good books.  When you string together long lists of factual stuff, but don't connect it in any sort of meaningful way, I just think - God, please let me get out of this book ALIVE! 

What's worse is when the title, cover images, interior images, intro and conclusion, transition passages between chapters all tell the reader you are going to take them on an exciting, soulful, and passionate ride rich with human drama....and then you fall FLAT.  How does an author do all those things previously mentioned and then just sandwich it around long lists of facts, endless facts, boring, meaningless facts? Facts are just data, unless they are connected in some meaningful way. Ugh.

To that end, it has recently occurred to me that there is a distinct difference between writing a dissertation and publishing a book, even an academic one, that less than 5% of the country will ever read.  It appears as if this person wrote hir dissertation, then, in order to make it publishable, revamped the intro, conclusion, and transitions to make it more booklike.  However, the inside still forces the reader to swallow the author's research skills, without the advent of meaningful connection or theory.  I can't argue with hir argument, because I'm not sure ze had one, it seemed to just be a string of facts, graphs, and statistics. [Note: hir is the gender neutral pronoun combo for him/her and ze is the gender neutral pronoun for she/he; that way, ideally, it makes it more difficult to ascertain who one is speaking about]

Will not be recommending that one to anyone anytime soon.

PS - It is not whatever book the sidebar says I'm reading. :o)

**Miss Clio

Hooray!!!

I have finally finished the first draft of my senior thesis!  25 pages of pure...something.  I will do a quick review tomorrow to make sure I didn't do anything really stupid and then off it goes, zooming through cyberspace.  What a relief to have birthed that baby!  I still have two major projects due by Friday, but the end is in sight!  The end of this week anyway, then we start all over again!  Can't tell you how happy I am!  I'm sure when I get it back next week I'll think  - God, what the heck was I writing?  What was I thinking?  Ah, the beauty of stepping away from a project and being able to evaluate objectively is a beautiful thing, but now - we dance!

**Miss Clio

When a Fave Prof Moves On....

Well, in the ever changing magical revolving door that is my department faculty, yet another professor is leaving. Sigh. I know, I'm leaving too, so who cares? I do.

She has only been here for a year, she is getting married and the hubs can't find work here, so she is moving on. As an advisor and a mentor, she was phenomenal, completely available, supportive, empathetic, and did not seem the least bit phased when I asked moronic questions regarding the formatting of my CV. She too, cares about formatting and actually commented that she liked it when I used editing marks to proofread. She said the portfolio I put together for my recommenders for grad school apps was a thing of beauty. The feedback she gave on papers and projects was incredible and really challenged me to become a better writer and a better historian. She introduced me to books I loved, and books I wanted to throw out the window. She listened to my anxieties about protocol and the culture of academe and offered level-headed advice. We had differing ideologies about the classroom, but as an advisor she was irreplaceable and now I feel like my foundation has completely shifted beneath me.

Don't misunderstand, I am not without support. I have two additional advisors who always offer sound advice and much appreciated honesty. I have strong connections with them, but at the same time, I have to and want to earn their respect. Whereas the professor who is leaving offered respect to everyone, from the get-go. She never let on if she thought I had just said the most stupid thing ever uttered by a human being. Her office/presence was a completely safe place to brainstorm, step outside of my comfort zone, think outloud, and just grow as a student.

I suppose it could be that I'm all emotional because I graduate in a month, or because it's that time of the month (cliche, I know, but true) but I'm having a hard time dealing with it. It has been so unexpected. Also, I guess part of me was hoping that after graduation, our relationship would grow into something less like student/teacher and more like friends. I won't be moving after graduation, so lunch was completely doable. Not so much now that she will be a region away. It could also be that I have already had this type of person move out of my life unexpectedly several years ago and there is still a hole for that professor who meant so much to me. Now, there will be another hole.

**Miss Clio

Been a Long Time, Been a Long Time, Been a Long Lonely, Lonely, Lonely, Lonely, Lonely Time!

Well, sort of. It has been a long time since I've posted, but it hasn't been a lonely time. Alas, I couldn't resist the Led Zeppelin reference.

A friend brought it to my attention the other day that he actually read my blog - Whaaaaat? I didn't think anyone read it, so I kind of quit updating it. Now there seems a reason, or a couple of reasons, to begin writing again.

So much has happened since Christmas...

I did an independent study in regional history and loved it. The subject matter is endlessly interesting and I moved forward with plans for graduate school in regional studies. I went and sat in on some grad classes and was hooked! No one was texting, no one was rolling their eyes, no kvetching about workloads, they all wanted to be there and I felt at home.

I took the GRE and I did really badly. Okay, maybe not really badly, I have since heard that others have done much worse, but it was a shock to see just how stinky I am at taking the GRE. That phraseology was intentional by the way. I firmly believe that the GRE is an indicator of how well an individual performed on a specific test on one specific day in his/her life. It is nothing more. I do not believe it is an indicator of performance in grad school. I do not believe that 3 hours of my life should carry as much or more weight than the previous 4 years of busting my hump. I think it's a racket. I was treated like a criminal - I had to empty my pockets! The people who work at the testing center clearly hate their jobs and want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. I will need to take it again before I apply to doctoral programs, so GRE - we will meet again.

I only applied to two programs for grad school. I was blessed, I got into both of them. I had originally just intended to take a gap year and then do my serious applying Fall 2010. That way, I had time to focus on my senior year and get all of my writing samples, etc...in order. In order to fill my year, I started looking at certificate programs and then one thing led to another and another and another. There were some setbacks and moving to plans B, C, and D, but as I look back, I can clearly see God's hand at work. I am right where I am supposed to be. I will be attending grad school in the fall and working on multiple degrees - a history MA and an MA in regional studies. It will add another year, but will broaden my job opps significantly, and make me a better historian by investigating other methodologies.

Some of my friends weren't so lucky. Some only applied to one place and then didn't get in. Now what???? Panic, that's what. If you are reading this and you want to go to grad school, you should apply everywhere that you would even consider attending. Seriously, options people, options! Also, most seem to have sent their apps in cold. Network, make connections, it's the way to go. Do the research about how to apply successfully, what specific programs offer, and put mega time into it - it's your future, treat it that way.

I graduate soon, I have a lot on my plate. Feels like I am putting out one fire, then moving on to another. But I'm sure I will survive.

A proposal of mine was accepted for presentation and I begged for money to any source at the college who would stand still long enough. My dean and my department were able to give enough to pay for hotel, gas, and meals while at the conference. It was in a very nice locale and so I brought the fam and we had a super vacation. After the presenting and hubub was done, I had a moment to sit and absorb. I looked at the hubs and the mini-me, who were having an excellent time, and thought - wow - I made this happen. I worked my tail off and literally willed this moment into being. My hard work was paying off and it was an amazing feeling.

I also applied for and received funding from another source to attend another conference. Great time, I heard sessions wherein the presenters talked about issues that I am interested in. That is wonderful because I often feeling like no one knows or cares about the weird stuff I like. It was also in a great locale, but the fam didn't go for some reason and then got miffed when I came home claiming I didn't invite them. Whatever, I did, but even if I didn't, you're adult enough to self-advocate - if you want to go, then say so.

It's late, I am very interested in hitting the hay. I hope to do better about keeping this up. Feel free to email me and prod!

Miss Clio

Joining professional organizations

I admit it.  I have commitment issues.  My inner desire to "belong" is seriously trumped by my aversion to feeling "trapped" and by my resistance to conformity.  To "belong" one needs to conform and once conformed, one is trapped by expectations and obligations that make me want to scream hysterically and run in the other direction.

These issues came into play when deciding, and procrastinating, whether or not to join the myriad of professional organizations for historians.  I have been told multiple times that "it looks great on a vitae" and "if you want the job, you've got to play the part" etc...but...(prepare for litany of excuses) there is the money that I could be spending on other things; and I'm an undergrad, so they don't care about me anyway; and I don't know which one to join; and, and, and...I finally decided it was time to pony up and join.  Here are a few reasons why:

• Most organization publish journals or newsletters that allow you to keep abreast of the current scholarship in your area; this could potentially show employers/grad schools that you are a serious student and that keeping tabs on what's new is important to you; it give you the heads-up with regards to trends so that you can capitalize on them
• This guarantees that I will get something in the mailbox besides bills
  
• Said journals and newsletters allow you to identify key players, organizations, and publications within your field
• If I have my own copy of these journals, I can write in the margins.  Oddly enough, librarians frown on marginalia in borrowed journals - who knew?
  
• Professional organizations often sponsor conferences, events, seminars, and workshops; these are great places to network and learn cool new things
• Students often get a reduced membership rate and membership often affords reduced rates at the aforementioned conferences, events, seminars, and workshops, as well as publications and possibly even insurance
  
• Membership looks good on your vitae
• Volunteer opportunities abound within these sorts of organizations.  If you get involved, think how many folks you can meet and think of that warm fuzzy feeling that can only come with giving unselfishly of your time
• All the cool kids are doing it.  Okay, I made that one up.

So I joined three professional organizations - two national and one regional.  I got student rates on all of them and am anxiously awaiting the first treasure in my mailbox. One of them even emailed me an immediate password to access the "Members Only" area of the site, so, now, I have a backstage pass to history and that's kinda cool.

**Miss Clio

Book Analysis

I received back my first book analysis today. I was pleased with the grade I earned, especially considering that it was such an uncomfortable assignment to complete. Former Dr. S always quipped that "outside your comfort zone is where you grow" so I guess I was growing and that was why I was uncomfortable.


For the uninitiated, a book analysis evaluates a book by assessing the strengths and weaknesses of its arguments, assessing the author's methodologies and sources, as well as looking at the book's value within the broader scholarship and historiography. As I understand it these are pretty common in graduate school, so I had better get it together and work out my misgivings.

Those misgivings stem from several things. Firstly, who am I to review this scholar's work? I am a neophyte historian and I sort of cringe because I feel like "historian" is a title I haven't yet earned. Secondly, my knowledge base regarding the subject pales in comparison to the author. He/She/They know all the ins and outs. I, on the other hand, am only familiar with broad overarching themes and have a framework of cursory knowledge to help contextualize. Current Dr. S assured me that I was entitled to my opinion and that I could effectively evaluate whether or not the author produced enough evidence to prove her thesis, whether or not I agreed with said thesis and what additions or deletions I would like to see. So, that's what I did and it felt very odd, but I received high marks, so apparently I am on the right track. The third hurdle is the page limit. There is so much to write, it is sometimes difficult to sift through and sort the most important/pertinent information with a 2 pg limit. Unfortunately, I'm almost always over and at some point, I'm going to run into a prof that doesn't appreciate my verbiage.

Dr. S gives amazing feedback on graded papers. She is very open about my strengths and weaknesses and that is a good thing. I struggle with writing killer topic sentences (former professor scared me so much that now I just freeze up) and it's good to know that they are getting stronger and I am feeling more confident in writing them. It's so good to see progress!

After handing in this analysis, I have committed myself to write mini-analyses of each chapter or page grouping of assigned reading. I have found this to be an extremely fruitful exercise and, surprisingly, I have found it changes the way I read.

No more official book analyses due this semester, but I'll keep trying to hone those skills so next time won't be so worrisome

PS - H-Net maintains a great stockpile of electronic reviews at
http://www.h-net.org/reviews/home.php

**Miss Clio

(Sources: http://www.ibiblio.org/uncpress/pics/jackets/g/gilmore_gender_afloat.jpg)

Virgin Post

As part of an independent study I am doing next semester, I proposed keeping a blog. That way, Dr. P. can check up on my progress whenever it's convenient for him. I also think that technology is important and I want to inocorporate technology into my teaching strategies, so I had better walk the walk, so to speak.

I also suspect that there may be other students out there on the interwebz that, like me, are in an undergraduate program but already know that they want to follow through to a PhD. Maybe it would be worthwhile to blog about those adventures. Here goes it...

**Miss Clio