On Choosing Classes Wisely...

This semester I made the mistake of taking three classes which were in no way directly related to anything I even remotely want to study.  They all counted toward graduation requirements and they were conveniently scheduled and yes, they were with profs I liked.  Still, by the second month of classes I was ready to poke my eyes out with a pencil.  It felt like such wasted time.  I just kept thinking 'okay, this is interesting, but really has nothing to do with anything I want to study in depth.'  I know they will prove useful at some point; I'm sure of it, my education has always worked that way.  Nonetheless, it just feels like I am under the gun to choose a thesis topic and decide what I will be specializing in.  These courses did not help me in those endeavors.

This summer I will be taking some independent studies and hopefully that will be more energizing.  I'm totally zapped.  This semester has been the worst one I have ever had. Ever.  I did get all A's though, so I guess that's something?

First Semester Done!

Wow, that semester really flew by!  I have now completed my first semester of graduate school.  I should add that I got all A's.  Apparently, grades don't matter as much in grad school, but it made me feel "worthy" nonetheless.

My first semester was not necessarily what I had anticipated.  Not good or bad really, just different.  I have polled my Facebook friends to see what their first semester experiences were like.  It has been a mixed bag.  I know some had a horrible experience and others had a tolerable adventure.  I suppose it's like most things - it is what you make it.

Answering CFPs and Selling What You Haven't Written Yet

Hi Ya'll

Today's project is answering a Call For Papers.  I have done this twice before and was accepted once; however, with regards to the conference I was not accepted into, in all fairness, my paper was slightly outside the scope of the convening org's guidelines.  It made sense to me to include it, but it was about 15 years outside of their desired chronological range and they were overrun with papers that did meet their criteria.  Oh well.

Previously I was either finished with the paper or had made significant headway when I submitted my abstract. This time, though, I haven't even written the paper yet. It's still just an amorphous sort of cloud-like topic.  Granted, I will definitely have it done by the time the conference roles around or I will fail one of my classes this semester.   My undergrad advisor told me that I shouldn't feel bad about not having a completely crystallized paper when I answer a CFP and my grad advisor told me just to submit something vague, but with a catchy title.  Still, it feels like pulling teeth.  It's only got to be a page and it feels enormous.

**Miss Clio

Image from http://accio.zymurgy.org/05/call4papers.shtml

Intro Methods Course

My areas of interest are not hot and sexy topics, alas, one more reason it will be difficult to find a job when I graduate, but I digress.  I'm okay with being "out of the box" but I was looking forward to graduate school.  I hoped that a large uni staffed with faculty who specialize in my area meant that I would actually be able to take courses that were in my specialty, or at least, what I think will be my specialty.  Keeping that in mind, I was thoroughly excited that the faculty member who would most likely be my advisor was teaching one of the Methods courses this year.  I registered as soon as I could and then emailed hir for the syllabus. 

Yeah, not so much.  Surprisingly, hir book list was all over the map - literally, chronologically, and thematically.  I'm really at a point where I am ready to study what *I* want to study.  I have been doing it on my own for so long, I'm just ready to do it in the classroom.  I was very disappointed.  I emailed the other profs who were teaching Methods courses and found a book list that jives with my interests.  Yay.  This prof is going to be very challenging, and I've heard scary, but I think it will be good.  A former prof of mine had hir during hiz graduate experience at MTU and commented, "The first time I ever felt like a real historian was in hir class."  High compliments indeed.

Motivation. Paging my Motivation. Calling my Motivation...Bueller...Bueller...

Seriously!  I have one stupid final left and then I'm done with undergrad and I just can't seem to pull it together.  I'm completely burned out.  Aside from school stuff, my entire hard drive was deleted by someone who didn't know what he was doing and a bunch of other personal junk, that, of course, all had to happen in the last two weeks.

One final; that is all that stands in the way between me and graduating and I just can't seem to pull it out.  Maybe this speaks to other deeper stuff - not wanting to move on, or sabotaging my own success.  Who knows.

Whatever, I just need to get my crap together and get it over with.  GGGGRRRR.

**Miss Clio

I Wanted to Like This Book; I Thought I Would Like This Book, but, Not So Much...

Seriously people.  I love history, almost every kind of history poses some sort of something that I can latch my teeth on to.  But, come on.  When you write a book, please consider that even academic readers enjoy good books.  When you string together long lists of factual stuff, but don't connect it in any sort of meaningful way, I just think - God, please let me get out of this book ALIVE! 

What's worse is when the title, cover images, interior images, intro and conclusion, transition passages between chapters all tell the reader you are going to take them on an exciting, soulful, and passionate ride rich with human drama....and then you fall FLAT.  How does an author do all those things previously mentioned and then just sandwich it around long lists of facts, endless facts, boring, meaningless facts? Facts are just data, unless they are connected in some meaningful way. Ugh.

To that end, it has recently occurred to me that there is a distinct difference between writing a dissertation and publishing a book, even an academic one, that less than 5% of the country will ever read.  It appears as if this person wrote hir dissertation, then, in order to make it publishable, revamped the intro, conclusion, and transitions to make it more booklike.  However, the inside still forces the reader to swallow the author's research skills, without the advent of meaningful connection or theory.  I can't argue with hir argument, because I'm not sure ze had one, it seemed to just be a string of facts, graphs, and statistics. [Note: hir is the gender neutral pronoun combo for him/her and ze is the gender neutral pronoun for she/he; that way, ideally, it makes it more difficult to ascertain who one is speaking about]

Will not be recommending that one to anyone anytime soon.

PS - It is not whatever book the sidebar says I'm reading. :o)

**Miss Clio

Hooray!!!

I have finally finished the first draft of my senior thesis!  25 pages of pure...something.  I will do a quick review tomorrow to make sure I didn't do anything really stupid and then off it goes, zooming through cyberspace.  What a relief to have birthed that baby!  I still have two major projects due by Friday, but the end is in sight!  The end of this week anyway, then we start all over again!  Can't tell you how happy I am!  I'm sure when I get it back next week I'll think  - God, what the heck was I writing?  What was I thinking?  Ah, the beauty of stepping away from a project and being able to evaluate objectively is a beautiful thing, but now - we dance!

**Miss Clio

Behind - it's the New Ahead!

No, not really, but that's me trying to make myself feel better about being behind. I underestimated the time necessary to complete a project and now am running a full day behind. Chron-optimism is a dangerous thing. Thinking you have plenty of time to get all of it done is chron-optimism. I'm usually not so far off, but this semester has thrown me for a loop! Whoever thought taking 4 classes, one of which is a senior seminar, and applying for grad school all in the same semester was a good idea was either delirious, or drunk with chron-optimism, one or the other; perhaps laced with shades of desperation to graduate and over-achievedness?

Regardless, I'm in it now and there isn't much I can do, except suck it up and deal with it. If I can make it through Friday, my load will lighten significantly and I might be able to breathe, maybe. Still I have several major projects due, with less than a month to complete them all. The Hubs asked if he should just go ahead and plan on napping until then to avoid the fray. I replied that he was welcome, he just needed to bring food, talk softly, and say nice things.

**Miss Clio

When a Fave Prof Moves On....

Well, in the ever changing magical revolving door that is my department faculty, yet another professor is leaving. Sigh. I know, I'm leaving too, so who cares? I do.

She has only been here for a year, she is getting married and the hubs can't find work here, so she is moving on. As an advisor and a mentor, she was phenomenal, completely available, supportive, empathetic, and did not seem the least bit phased when I asked moronic questions regarding the formatting of my CV. She too, cares about formatting and actually commented that she liked it when I used editing marks to proofread. She said the portfolio I put together for my recommenders for grad school apps was a thing of beauty. The feedback she gave on papers and projects was incredible and really challenged me to become a better writer and a better historian. She introduced me to books I loved, and books I wanted to throw out the window. She listened to my anxieties about protocol and the culture of academe and offered level-headed advice. We had differing ideologies about the classroom, but as an advisor she was irreplaceable and now I feel like my foundation has completely shifted beneath me.

Don't misunderstand, I am not without support. I have two additional advisors who always offer sound advice and much appreciated honesty. I have strong connections with them, but at the same time, I have to and want to earn their respect. Whereas the professor who is leaving offered respect to everyone, from the get-go. She never let on if she thought I had just said the most stupid thing ever uttered by a human being. Her office/presence was a completely safe place to brainstorm, step outside of my comfort zone, think outloud, and just grow as a student.

I suppose it could be that I'm all emotional because I graduate in a month, or because it's that time of the month (cliche, I know, but true) but I'm having a hard time dealing with it. It has been so unexpected. Also, I guess part of me was hoping that after graduation, our relationship would grow into something less like student/teacher and more like friends. I won't be moving after graduation, so lunch was completely doable. Not so much now that she will be a region away. It could also be that I have already had this type of person move out of my life unexpectedly several years ago and there is still a hole for that professor who meant so much to me. Now, there will be another hole.

**Miss Clio

Been a Long Time, Been a Long Time, Been a Long Lonely, Lonely, Lonely, Lonely, Lonely Time!

Well, sort of. It has been a long time since I've posted, but it hasn't been a lonely time. Alas, I couldn't resist the Led Zeppelin reference.

A friend brought it to my attention the other day that he actually read my blog - Whaaaaat? I didn't think anyone read it, so I kind of quit updating it. Now there seems a reason, or a couple of reasons, to begin writing again.

So much has happened since Christmas...

I did an independent study in regional history and loved it. The subject matter is endlessly interesting and I moved forward with plans for graduate school in regional studies. I went and sat in on some grad classes and was hooked! No one was texting, no one was rolling their eyes, no kvetching about workloads, they all wanted to be there and I felt at home.

I took the GRE and I did really badly. Okay, maybe not really badly, I have since heard that others have done much worse, but it was a shock to see just how stinky I am at taking the GRE. That phraseology was intentional by the way. I firmly believe that the GRE is an indicator of how well an individual performed on a specific test on one specific day in his/her life. It is nothing more. I do not believe it is an indicator of performance in grad school. I do not believe that 3 hours of my life should carry as much or more weight than the previous 4 years of busting my hump. I think it's a racket. I was treated like a criminal - I had to empty my pockets! The people who work at the testing center clearly hate their jobs and want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. I will need to take it again before I apply to doctoral programs, so GRE - we will meet again.

I only applied to two programs for grad school. I was blessed, I got into both of them. I had originally just intended to take a gap year and then do my serious applying Fall 2010. That way, I had time to focus on my senior year and get all of my writing samples, etc...in order. In order to fill my year, I started looking at certificate programs and then one thing led to another and another and another. There were some setbacks and moving to plans B, C, and D, but as I look back, I can clearly see God's hand at work. I am right where I am supposed to be. I will be attending grad school in the fall and working on multiple degrees - a history MA and an MA in regional studies. It will add another year, but will broaden my job opps significantly, and make me a better historian by investigating other methodologies.

Some of my friends weren't so lucky. Some only applied to one place and then didn't get in. Now what???? Panic, that's what. If you are reading this and you want to go to grad school, you should apply everywhere that you would even consider attending. Seriously, options people, options! Also, most seem to have sent their apps in cold. Network, make connections, it's the way to go. Do the research about how to apply successfully, what specific programs offer, and put mega time into it - it's your future, treat it that way.

I graduate soon, I have a lot on my plate. Feels like I am putting out one fire, then moving on to another. But I'm sure I will survive.

A proposal of mine was accepted for presentation and I begged for money to any source at the college who would stand still long enough. My dean and my department were able to give enough to pay for hotel, gas, and meals while at the conference. It was in a very nice locale and so I brought the fam and we had a super vacation. After the presenting and hubub was done, I had a moment to sit and absorb. I looked at the hubs and the mini-me, who were having an excellent time, and thought - wow - I made this happen. I worked my tail off and literally willed this moment into being. My hard work was paying off and it was an amazing feeling.

I also applied for and received funding from another source to attend another conference. Great time, I heard sessions wherein the presenters talked about issues that I am interested in. That is wonderful because I often feeling like no one knows or cares about the weird stuff I like. It was also in a great locale, but the fam didn't go for some reason and then got miffed when I came home claiming I didn't invite them. Whatever, I did, but even if I didn't, you're adult enough to self-advocate - if you want to go, then say so.

It's late, I am very interested in hitting the hay. I hope to do better about keeping this up. Feel free to email me and prod!

Miss Clio